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Old 08.14.04, 12:20 PM
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New lyrics... Opinions?

I wrote this around 5am, after waking up from a depressing dream. The words just kind of wrote themselves. Picture this with a Sigur Ros meets Counting Crows "Raining Baltimore." Opinions welcome.

you don't know
you couldn't possibly ever know
this sad song
this sad song wrote itself

goodbyes
hotel rooms
phone lines
nothing new

and I know
with all I have, I know
a sad song
we won't be coming home.

goodbyes
hotel rooms
phone lines
the hard truth

you wait...
you can't escape the windowsill
and I know
we won't be coming home.
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Old 08.15.04, 12:31 AM
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Looks pretty good. If you want some feedback, these are my "good songwriting" thoughts...

The "phone lines" seems a bit too oblique. I wouldn't have a problem with that in the right context, but your other lyrics are more direct in their meaning, so it seems out of place.

"Nothing new" didn't bother me until I started trying to work out what it meant in context with everything else. Is this a recurring behaviour? Does this imply you are likely to come back again? I wouldn't think you meant the second, but since it isn't connected to anything else, it's hard to tell.

I like how you changed the last line of the chorus. I really like the line "you can't escape the windowsill" too.
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