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  #1  
Old 07.20.04, 1:14 AM
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"Now that you're dead I can finally Love you"

I hope this song is interpreted with a bit of a sense of humor, and not some sort of venom that isn't there..

This song is called "now that you're dead I can finally love you". I don't really have a muse these days so I want to bounce this off of someone who might be interested or insightful. Just curious if it's not too mean-sounding. I'm not really a monster, it's quite fictional, but you could perhaps think of it as a failed relationship... and the way time tends to hide the rough edges.


(verse 1)
It is with great regret that I am informed
Of a lightning flash, it was a terrible storm that took you.
And it quietly struck me, that we're finally through.
Beneath the trunk of a tree, oh it must have been shocking.

When I got the news, I admitt I cried
perhaps a tear or maybe two.
Is that normal? What am I supposed to do?
Well I hopped a train and dragged the streets
The City life is where you'll find --- me,
Browsing in department stores. That is how I like to mourn.

(chorus)
Now that you're dead, I can finally love you
I'll remember the good times, even though they were few
Now that you're gone, I think I actually like you.
Maybe Romantasize you. Or perhaps Devillianize you.

(verse 2)
It takes time, I'm told, to shake the old and move on.
Well how long?
Because I'm feeling fine and I have for some time, and I'm tired
of pretending i'm sad.
Don't get me wrong, don't misconstrue, don't mistake my haste as distaste for you
Because I care. I really did care. At least I think so.
But it's been over three weeks, and boredom's gotten to me,
The misfortune is yours, but when can I leave?

(chorus)
Now that you're dead, I can finally love you
I'll remember the good times, even though they were few
Now that you're gone, I think I actually like you.
Maybe Romantasize you. Or perhaps Devillianize you.
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  #2  
Old 07.21.04, 11:43 PM
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I don't think it sounds too mean.
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  #3  
Old 07.22.04, 7:39 PM
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i must say that in squeezing these lyrics into a song format, there will be some major surgery and truncating involved. but the general theme remains the same.
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Old 07.22.04, 7:53 PM
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I like it, especially the chorus. It does have a biting quality to it, kinda like some of John Lennon songs did.
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Old 07.24.04, 5:44 PM
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I was wondering where it was going as I was reading the first verse, but the chorus really tied it all in and drove home a really unusual but comprehendable idea -- which is the mark of a great chorus.
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  #6  
Old 08.03.04, 8:00 PM
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I like it all except for the word Devillianize. Perhaps hearing it with vocal melody would change that, but it disrupts the previously strong flow.

Just my two cents.
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  #7  
Old 08.13.04, 1:17 AM
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"Demonize" might work. but thats my opinion
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Old 08.13.04, 12:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by SantaCruzMack
"Demonize" might work. but thats my opinion
I think that's the opposite of what he's going for.
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Old 08.13.04, 2:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by scarr
I think that's the opposite of what he's going for.
exactly. it's like saying "now that you're dead, your not such a bitch" if you read between the lines..


this song is wordy and when i put it to music, much of this will hit the editing floor. like a movie, you know?

i'm not a very confident lyricist but i really try to try, anyway. i'm glad you guys are picking up on it!

now if i could just find a singer besides myself!
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  #10  
Old 08.13.04, 4:05 PM
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great concept. i love songs that make you think of things you may not want to. you could bring the humor up a bit by changing that one part to "...it's been over a week..." instead of three.
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Old 08.13.04, 5:23 PM
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I don't liek how alot of it doesnt ryhme...it makes it hard for me to sing it doesnt sound so good maytbe you have a way of singing the unmatched words to make them sound in a ryhming manner but over all i think its good, seems to be more of a poem then a song tho IMO
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  #12  
Old 08.13.04, 10:25 PM
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that's a valid statement, though i must say that with the phrasing i have in my head it definately ryhmes..

it is written as a poem however. i don't like the ryhmes to be forced so if i couldn't find a ryhme, i just didn't bother.

for me, this song is an excercise in a few elements that i've been trying to practice. One element is first person. for years, i've been so anti-first person that i'd all but ruled it out of my writing... and for good reason--first person authorship is too often boring and pop.

another element is ryhme. for years, i've made phrases that were unneccisary in songs simply to catch a rhyme. well no more.

i've got much practice to be made before i'm comfortable with it, but i'm trying to write songs that I'll feel good about 5 years from now. no more "cat/hat" ryhmes. i think about these things too much!
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  #13  
Old 08.13.04, 10:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by gottajibboo
great concept. i love songs that make you think of things you may not want to. you could bring the humor up a bit by changing that one part to "...it's been over a week..." instead of three.
hahaha, i may do just that! I thought 1 week was way too crass... but maybe it's just right!

it's a song about how quickly i heal!
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Old 08.13.04, 11:53 PM
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Just some general comments on things you've said

Editing is a key part of songwriting, so it's good that you're willing to modify things. I (like many people) used to be much less comfortable with pulling my lyrics apart and trying to put back just the bits that work. It's more work, but it's worth it.

I don't have any problem with simple rhymes, but forced rhymes are horrible. You can really get away with completely non-rhyming lyrics if it's sung properly. I've occasionally heard a song I enjoy for the umpteenth time and then suddenly realized there's no rhyming structure at all!

First person writing isn't "boring and pop." Most pop is boring. If it uses first person, that doesn't mean first person isn't good. First person is the most emotionally potent point-of-view because done correctly, it comes out as a singer conveying his/her thoughts and emotions. Pop often misses this mark because singers aren't attached to the content of the songs written for them.
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  #15  
Old 08.14.04, 12:51 AM
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Re: "Now that you're dead I can finally Love you"

Quote:
Originally posted by idealflaw
This song is called "now that you're dead I can finally love you".

I like it. Have you ever heard Red Roses For A Blue Lady or Remembering Never? Similiar subject matter. Good stuff.
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