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  #1  
Old 08.05.05, 6:47 AM
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A song I wrote in a few minutes at 4 in the morning

Ok so I haven't slept in over 24 hours and over the course of the night I deicded I wanted to write a song so when I finally decided to do it, it took just a few minutes, I'm aiming for a sound between (more of just what I've been listening to tonight and inspiring the feel) Social D's "Ball & Chain" and The Clash's "Death Or Glory" and Costello's "Oliver's Army" and "Radio Radio" and Dropkick Murphys' "Sunshine Highway" so tell me what you think...


Burn Out Town

I was born n raised in a town
Where the night of the living dead
Stumbled all around
With chemical dependencies
and Homicidal tendencies
Just waiting to hit the ground

(Chorus)
Burn out town
Let's burn it all down
Burn out town
Let's burn it all down

I grew up in a town
Where rotting brains smell like ****
the minds surely drowned
with worthless clinics
and Hypocritical cynics
Denying wealthy backgrounds

CHORUS

(Bridge)
Get out of here
Save yourself
or your end is near
Get out of here
Save yourself
or your end is near

CHORUS (sung while the backing vocals repeat the bridge)
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Last edited by SantaCruzMack; 08.06.05 at 2:35 AM.
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  #2  
Old 08.05.05, 6:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tommy Tommy
The lyrics seem okay, based off of just reading them. Truthfully, the way this song is written, I'd have to hear how you chose to sing the words. Where you would pause at is what i'm trying to figure out. Would you sing the two lines with tendencies & dependencies back to back really quick to get to the ground line?
Those two line sections seem sort of hard to fit into a rhythm. I'd like to hear it though. I like the lyrics.
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  #3  
Old 08.06.05, 1:21 AM
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Thanks the "Tendencies/Dependencies" part actually has a kind of different break to it, I hope I can record this soon so I can show you guys.
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Old 08.06.05, 3:33 AM
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this isn't really about santa cruz is it?
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Old 08.08.05, 4:23 AM
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^

hahaha
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Old 08.09.05, 8:17 PM
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i'd probably throw a sort of dramatic pause before the 'save yourself' so that it fits with the 'get out of here'

get out of here
1.....2.....3....4
.......save yourself

idk if that helps? (the dots are just for spacing)

p.s. it sounds more like it should be about buffalo instead of santa cruz lol
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Old 08.17.05, 12:53 PM
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nice! very weird, but nice. i don't really like it cuz its all creepy and stuff, but i like some of the things you've done with the rhyme scheme and beats and whatnot.
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Old 08.21.05, 2:33 AM
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I don't know any of the stuff you cited as reference, but I get the feel from the lyrics and I like it.

One small thing you should work on:
"Where the night of the living dead / Stumbled all around" implies that the night is stumbling. "The night" has nothing to do with anything--so get rid of it. ("Living dead" stands on it's own. The movie title is a bit of a crutch.) If you put another adjective/image in there and it'll be better for it.
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Old 08.21.05, 11:02 PM
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I originally put the movie title so people could have an immediate image, but honestly it sounds more like the "membrane" part of "insane in the membrane" (stupid song) I'm thinking to change the line to "Where the dirty undead/stumbled all around"
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Old 08.22.05, 11:55 PM
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I think that works a lot better. You don't need a movie title to get an image from "zombie", "undead" or "living dead". Well done.
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  #11  
Old 12.01.05, 2:12 PM
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man those lyrics are awesome. i luv the rhyming pattern. most of the time lyrics sound corny without the music, but i like yours.
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Old 12.19.05, 6:18 AM
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This is an artistic choice for you to make, but I'd do something with the chorus. Maybe add another spiffy clever couplet instead of just repeating the same thing. Of course, it works just having it twice also. It's up to you to decide what to do with it.

Anyway, I like these lyrics. Can't wait to hear the song!
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  #13  
Old 12.19.05, 7:13 AM
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I think hes talking about VA Beach
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